“I just want to see something grow,” I say to the lady at the hardware store nursery. “Which flowers will grow indoors by a sunny window?” Seed packet in hand, I make my way to the register. I just want to see something grow, I think to myself, filling the pot with soil, moistening it a bit and then scattering some of the seeds about. I’ve never been much of a gardener. I hope I’m doing this right. I just want to see something grow, I said to myself that spring, sitting in my Los Angeles apartment, the sound of the freeway in the distance, a layer of dust on the window sill.
Watching something grow seems like a long-lost thing, now that I live in the city. Not the same as buying a potted plant. What if nothing happens? What if it dies before it has a chance to bloom? And how do I care for it once it grows?! I’m not going to worry about all that right now because I just want to see something grow.
I don’t recall how long, it seemed like a month or two went by. Nothing happened, just brown dirt which I continued to water, and then finally one day a tiny green shoot started poking out. Yay! It’s happening! It’s actually happening. But wait, I planted so many seeds, will this be the only one? That’s ok, one is enough.
Watering it ever so gently, realizing that it’s still very fragile. One gush of water from the mug I’m using could uproot it for good. Summer becomes fall and fall becomes winter. The fragile shoot grows sturdy and strong, thick and green. Leaves grow in all directions, getting bigger and bigger, expanding out until one day a bud arrives. A tiny pink bud. Wow, I almost can’t believe it made it. It was strong from the start though, I could tell. Determined to be what it was meant to be.
Looking at the full-grown plant, its green leaves and multiple pink blossoms, I’m struck by how much has come from this one little seed. More than one would expect from something so small. I was once a little seed and so were you. And just look at how much has come from us. Not how much we do or achieve but rather how much comes from us simply because we are here. Our thoughts, our dreams, the love we feel for the people and things we care about. The joy we feel while reading a good book or the renewed sense of hope a good movie can give or how nice it feels to hold the door open for someone. These are our blossoms, growing effortlessly from us, happening each and every day in small and seemingly invisible ways. We are always blooming.
I just want to see something grow I think to myself now, realizing that something is always growing whether it be in my heart or in the ground. I don’t need to make it happen, the seed of me was planted a long time ago and all I need to do is sit back, be myself and let the flowers bloom.